yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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