she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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