I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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