Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
