he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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