You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
