I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
