I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
