saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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