it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
