he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize