I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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