dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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