I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
