I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize