There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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