I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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