I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm bleeding and have questions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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