Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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