Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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