Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
