those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
