I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
