Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
