whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
