my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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