Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
