I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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