You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
