just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
