So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
