One girl and one boy is just not enough.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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