i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
