Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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