can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
