tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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