New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
