I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
