um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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