walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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