he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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