Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
