I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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