Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
