I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win