i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Boobs speak an international language.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
