Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
