so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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