what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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