did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
