your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
