I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
