I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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