you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
