I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
