I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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