we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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