Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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