She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
