and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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