Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
