He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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