I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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