and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
