I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
