So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
