just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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