When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
