Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
