thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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